Do you feel like self-compassion is selfish or indulgent? Do you prefer to treat yourself harshly to push for more success? When you make a mistake, do you feel like you deserve to be punished?
Self-compassion has a few common myths that can seriously hold you back. On the surface, it might seem like self-compassion means being “soft”, or letting yourself off the hook. It’s the opposite. It takes strength to treat yourself kindly, especially when things go wrong.
According to Dr. Kristin Neff, the leading researcher on self-compassion, one of the most widespread myths is that self-compassion leads to complacency. People think that, if they go easy on themselves, they’ll lose their edge and stop striving for success.
But I’ve found the exact opposite to be true, especially when it comes to building confidence. My updated definition of confidence is your willingness to try, take action, and treat yourself with self-compassion when you fail. One of my recent experiences drove this point home.
🎤 At a networking event, I’d prepared a one-minute pitch. But, when I started speaking, I froze mid-sentence. Everything went white, and I completely lost my place. I felt humiliated and spent the rest of the meeting in a daze. It was a mess-up, plain and simple, and I was sure it had ruined my chances of making any connections.
But, at the end of the event, someone asked for my card—and later, they became my client. I realized that mistakes like these can make you more relatable and human.
I’ve spent my whole life terrified of public speaking. I thought I had conquered it by joining Toastmasters a few years ago. But fear came back in a big way at that networking event 😱
Instead of letting the shame of that mess-up consume me, I leaned on my support network of coaches and family. The antidote to shame is connection 💡
The old Anna would have beat herself up for days and avoided public speaking moving forward. But this time, I showed myself kindness, acknowledged that everyone makes mistakes, and moved forward. Now, I’m continuing to give speeches and workshops, and I’m a stronger coach for it 💪🏽
How can you be more self-compassionate?
❤️ Acknowledge your feelings without judgment. It’s okay to feel bad about a mistake. Just don’t stay there forever.
🪴 Remind yourself that failure is part of growth. We all fail. It’s part of the human experience.
🫂 Practice speaking to yourself like you would a friend. Offer encouragement and kindness instead of criticism.
Embracing self-compassion is not about giving up or avoiding challenges. It’s about bouncing back stronger each time you stumble.
If you’re ready to build more confidence and cultivate self-compassion in your career and life, let’s chat! I would love to offer you a free coaching session where we can identify what’s holding you back and create actionable steps to move forward. Book your session here!
Lots of love,
Anna