Do you often feel sorry for yourself? Do you blame others when things go wrong in your life? Do you use your emotions to gain attention?
You might have a victim saboteur 👿 People with the victim saboteur focus on internal feelings, particularly painful ones. They are envious of others and constantly make negative comparisons. If criticized or misunderstood, they tend to withdraw, pout, and sulk. When things get tough, they want to crumble and give up.
Do you feel like terrible things always happen to you? Your repressed rage may result in depression, apathy, and constant fatigue. You want to be rescued 🙏🏽
I’ve noticed myself falling into victim mode a lot lately 😭 Feeling sorry for myself for being single for five years. Comparing myself to all my married friends. Wishing I had that life partner everyone around me seems to have. Agonizing over my long list of failed relationships. Wanting a stepdad for my kids so bad.
As a coach, I know I can choose any perspective on any situation. Viewing my love life through the lens of the victim doesn’t serve me and causes me a lot of stress.
So, as I lay in bed trying to sleep last week, I spent some time reflecting on other possible perspectives. I landed on choice 💡 I am choosing to stay single until I find the right person. I know he’s out there. Life is too short to settle for something that doesn’t feel right. In the meantime, the kids and I are the family unit. We are enough.
Your saboteurs are your greatest strengths that get overused and abused. With the victim saboteur, you feel your emotions deeply and clearly, including difficult emotions. You are introspective and capable of deep and courageous self-discovery. You are highly perceptive and use that to connect, teach, inspire, or heal.
But, taken too far, you waste your vitality with so much focus on internal processing and brooding. Self-pity is a poor substitute for self-love. You push people away by constantly testing whether they care enough to stay.
Are you ready to let go of your victim perspective? Check out my tips to learn how:
🤳🏽 Increase self-awareness. Regular self-reflection allows you to identify when the victim saboteur is taking the reins. You can then stop yourself from going down that path.
➕ Use positive affirmations. Counteract negative thoughts with positive ones. Remind yourself of your strengths, accomplishments, and the progress you’ve made.
👯 Create accountability partnerships. Share your goals and challenges with a trusted friend, colleague, or coach.
🗓️ Set goals. Break down your goals into manageable steps. Celebrate small victories along the way, reinforcing a sense of accomplishment and control.
🧘🏽 Use mindfulness techniques. Be consistent with meditation. Create mindful moments throughout your day. For example, take a few minutes to breathe before a work meeting, or notice the different shades of green when you are out for a walk. Focusing on physical sensations in the present moment gets you into your body and out of the victim narrative.
What would be possible in your life if you ditched the victim perspective in favor of something more empowering?
🚀 Take the first step by booking your free Confidence Booster Session here: https://calendly.com/annagradiecoaching/45min
Lots of love,
-Anna
