Do you feel comfortable telling others how you feel? Or do you hide your feelings at work or at home? Have you been conditioned to only express positive emotions?
October is Emotional Intelligence (EQ) awareness month. EQ is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your own emotions, as well as recognizing and influencing the emotions of others.
š EQ is key to leadership, performance, happiness, and confidence.
Emotional Expression is one of the 15 EQ competencies. If you score high in Emotional Expression on an EQ assessment, you openly express your feelings both verbally and non-verbally.
How emotionally expressive are you? Expressing your feelings allows you to build authentic relationships at work and at home. Expressing your emotions creates deeper connections with others and is healthier than suppressing your feelings.
Do emotions belong at work? Leaders who effectively express their emotions inspire their teams to be open and honest. You can use words and physical expressions to convey your feelings in a way thatās not hurtful to others. Being clear (even if itās about something negative) is kind according to Brene Brown. Emotions canāt be left at the door of the office.
š” Is your level of emotional expression different at home? One of my clients struggles with emotional expression at home, but not at work. Since childhood, she was socialized to hide her true feelings and defaults to the silent treatment when she gets upset. This hurts her personal relationships.
š„ Our culture discourages emotional expression in men. Boys donāt cry. This needs to stop. In 15 years of marriage, my ex-husband never shed a single tear and never told me he was unhappy in our marriage until it was too late. Iāve also encountered way too many āemotionally unavailableā men in the dating world since my divorce.
Are you more comfortable expressing some emotions over others? There are over 39,000 human emotions. Many of us have a limited emotional vocabulary and only express positive emotions. Iām a conflict avoider, so I struggle to express negative emotions, even though itās a necessary way to set healthy boundaries.
ā How can you grow your emotional expression skills to be more effective at work and to deepen your connections with your loved ones?
- Grow your emotional vocabulary by downloading the Mood Meter app https://moodmeterapp.com/ to accurately track your emotions and triggers throughout your day. Pay attention to the different emotions you experience and try expressing them when you interact with others.
- Use both verbal and nonverbal cues to express your emotions. Eye contact can help the other person see what you may be feeling. Facial expression is another way to show your feelings. Tone of voice allow the other person to hear your emotions.
- Write down a few emotions you have trouble expressing at work. Reflect on what triggers these emotions in you and what prevents you from sharing them openly. Practice articulating these emotions at work in a way thatās not hurtful to others.
- The next time you express what you feel, pay more attention to how the other person is reacting. Notice their facial cues, the tone of their voice, and their body language to see if it matches what you would expect.
- Before your next meeting at work, review the agenda and write down your thoughts on each item. Use emotional vocabulary (anxious, excited, worried, secure, confident) to describe the state of the task and how you feel about next steps. Select a few emotional comments to share at the meeting and hold yourself accountable to expressing them.
What tip do you want to start with?
Looking for a Confidence Boost? Join me and other women in tech at one of my free webinars. Reach out to learn more: coaching@annagradie.com
Lots of love,
-Anna
