Lack of confidence makes many women reluctant to speak up at meetings for fear of saying the wrong thing, or coming across as aggressive. This is compounded by the history of encouraging women to minimize our voices.
Do you assume your ideas don’t have merit and are reluctant to share your opinions until they are fully formed?
Communication for women in male-dominated work environments can be particularly daunting. Boys are socialized to be brave and to raise their hands even when they don’t know the answer. Girls are socialized to be perfect and to only raise their hand when they know the answer 100%. These patterns from childhood can make it harder for women to have difficult conversations at work, to voice their opinions, or to ask for raises or promotions.
Increasing your Emotional Intelligence (EQ) will improve your confidence and your communication skills.
Two of the 15 EQ composites – Assertiveness and Empathy – are required for effective communication. Having the ability to communicate assertively, while still being empathetic to the audience, helps you communicate with confidence.
- ASSERTIVENESS: the ability to express feelings, beliefs and thoughts openly and to stand up for your personal rights.
- EMPATHY: appreciating the feelings and thoughts of others and being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes.
Empathy is a superpower for so many women. The key is balancing your high levels of empathy with assertiveness.
Developing assertiveness
Overcome Fear
Identify the last three times you didn’t contribute to a meeting, or ask for that raise or promotion. Then, brainstorm all the possible positive and negative results that could have occurred had you been more assertive. Fear mostly comes from an exaggeration of bad consequences. Think of situations where the good consequences outweighed the bad. Identify when similar situations will be occurring in future to give yourself opportunities to practice being more assertive. The more we practice being assertive, the easier it gets.
Have a Goal in Mind
Set a small goal before you go into an assertive conversation. It is easier to assert yourself when you have a clear goal upfront. Tie this smaller goal to a larger performance objective, so you know something bigger is at stake.
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