Do you like the person looking back at you in the mirror? Do you accept yourself as you are? Or do you focus on your shortcomings and downplay your unique gifts?

Self-love is an important component of confidence and can take a lifetime to build.

Today marks five years since my marriage ended 💔 So many mixed emotions and big feelings. But the biggest emotion is gratitude. I’m grateful for the life I had and the beautiful children we have. But I’m most grateful for the journey of self-discovery and personal growth I have been on since the man I thought was my forever guy said, “I have nothing left to give you”. 

This Valentine’s Day 😍, I want to focus on self-love, not romantic love. The most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself. It’s taken a lot of soul-searching, heartbreak, coaching, and tears, but I am happy to say that I have finally learned to love who I am.

❓ What would be possible in your life if you loved yourself?

Falling back in love with yourself is a process that can take time, but this is what has worked for me and my clients:

💪🏽 Focus on your strengths. What are your top three strengths? If you have a hard time answering this question, poll your family and friends and pick out the common themes. I did this exercise and discovered that mine are empathy, determination, and loyalty. Your brain is hardwired to focus on the negative. Retrain your brain by looking for your positive attributes instead. Celebrate your wins instead of dwelling on your mistakes.

🕴🏽Spend time alone. Carve out some “me time” to do what brings you joy. Embrace the single life without jumping from one relationship to the next. Take yourself on vacation. Being alone allows you to self-reflect and to get to know yourself on a deeper level. Become your own best friend. Learn to parent yourself.

👿 Reduce your negative self-talk. Notice when your inner critic rears its ugly head to weaken its power over your life. Cut it off when it says something mean to you. Personify your inner critic by giving it a name to distance yourself from it. Practice replacing the negative voice with a positive cheerleader who catches you when you fall. Instead of beating myself up, I have learned to give myself grace when I mess up.

❤️ Cultivate self-compassion. Be warm and understanding to yourself even when you mess up. Speaking kindly to yourself helps you bounce back from challenges quicker, boosting your resilience and your happiness. You have access to a powerful source of support – YOU – 24/7.  What if you showed yourself the same love and compassion you give to your family and friends?

📐 Set healthy boundaries. Set clear expectations about how you wish to be treated. Leave friendships or relationships that no longer serve you. Ask yourself these questions after interacting with a specific friend or partner. “Do I feel uplifted or down?” “Do I like who I am when I’m with this person?”. 

    Don’t wait until your 40’s to love and accept yourself like I did. Take the first step today by signing up for one of my free Confidence Booster sessions here: https://calendly.com/annagradiecoaching/45min

    Lots of love,

    -Anna

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