Do you boldly try new things? Do you spend a lot of time outside your comfort zone? Do you say “yes” to the things that scare you? Or do you play it safe and have regret about the missed opportunities in your life?
Most of my life I was too scared to make a move. Too scared to try something new. Too scared to step outside my comfort zone. I only wanted to do things I was already good at. Things I was guaranteed to succeed at. I was petrified of failing. I put a ton of pressure on myself to be “A+ Anna” in my obsession with perfection.
After reading the insightful book, “Brave Not Perfect” by the founder of Girls Who Code, Reshma Saujani, I realized that I’m not alone. I now have a deeper understanding of why myself and many of my women in tech clients struggle with perfectionism.
💡 Girls are socialized to be perfect. And boys are socialized to be brave.
From a young age, girls are bombarded with messages to be polite, nurturing, and achieve high standards of success without making mistakes. This societal pressure to be perfect can lead to a fear of failure and risk aversion. This “perfect girl training” makes girls hesitant to take on challenges, or pursue opportunities where they might not excel, fearing judgment or criticism.
On the other hand, boys are encouraged to embrace risk-taking, assertiveness, and resilience. They are praised for exhibiting courage, independence, and adventurousness. From childhood, boys are encouraged to engage in activities that promote physical strength, competition, and leadership. This socialization teaches them to take risks, persevere in the face of obstacles, and assert their opinions without fear of repercussion.
I’ve tried to break the cycle of perfectionism in my own family, but my ten-year old daughter still shows signs of it. She recently received a stellar report card with A+’s in all subjects but two. Instead of celebrating her success, she focused on the two A’s and felt bad that they weren’t A+’s. She also retakes tests at every opportunity to get a perfect score.
🗝️ Learning to embrace failure is key to confidence building. Reframe failure as feedback. Fail fast to gain knowledge and experience to try again and to fail a little bit less next time. Each failure is a stepping stone to success.
I enrolled my girl and my boy in soccer and baseball from an early age to give them the experience of failure that I painstakingly avoided in my own childhood. I’m happy to report that both my kids are way more confident than I ever was at their age 🩷💙
What have you always been too scared to try? Challenge yourself to take on new things and pursue opportunities that align with your values and passions. Bravery is not the absence of fear but the willingness to act despite it. Get outside your comfort, take action, and fail fast to build confidence and to live without regret.
What are some ways to build your bravery habit?
🤏🏼 Start small: begin by taking small risks in your daily life, such as speaking up in meetings or trying a new hobby. Gradually increase the level of challenge as you become more comfortable with discomfort.
😍 Practice self-compassion: be kind to yourself even when you mess up. Recognize that setbacks are a natural part of the journey. Treat yourself with the same empathy and understanding you would offer to a friend facing similar challenges.
🥳 Celebrate progress: acknowledge your achievements, no matter how small, and celebrate the courage it took to pursue them. Reflect on your growth and use it as motivation to continue embracing bravery in all areas of your life.
🫂 Seek support: surround yourself with a supportive community of friends, family, and coaches who encourage and uplift you. Share your goals and aspirations with others who will cheer you on and offer guidance along the way.
Courage is one of my core values. I still have a lot of fear about trying new things, but I’ve learned to just go for it. 🦁 What’s one bold action you can take this week?
Book a free Confidence Booster session to find out how coaching can help you play bolder in your life: https://calendly.com/annagradiecoaching/45min
Lots of love,
-Anna
