If confidence is your willingness to take action, self-esteem is your inner belief that you deserve to succeed.
When I work with women in tech and leadership, they often come to me feeling stuck:
- “I know I’m smart… but I constantly second-guess myself.”
- “I don’t trust my own decisions.”
- “I feel like I’ve lost sight of who I really am.”
One of the most powerful books I recommend in these moments is The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by psychologist Nathaniel Branden. It’s not a fluffy self-help book—it’s a deep, practical guide to strengthening your inner foundation ❤️
Branden’s core idea is this:
Self-esteem is not something you have—it’s something you do.
Let’s dive into the six practices and how I’ve seen them transform real lives, including my own.
1️⃣ The practice of living consciously
Living consciously means being present – noticing your thoughts, behaviors, triggers, and choices – without running on autopilot.
I used to rush through my mornings, answering emails while brushing my teeth. Now, I take five minutes to breathe, journal, or simply sit with my coffee. That small shift helps me show up more grounded.
Client story: one woman I coach realized that every time her boss challenged her in meetings, she froze. Once she started observing the pattern instead of avoiding it, we were able to coach through it—and now, she speaks up with clarity and calm.
👉 Try this: pick one area of your life where you tend to “numb out” (meetings? parenting moments? social media scrolling?) and practice noticing without judgment.
2️⃣ The practice of self-acceptance
This one’s tough. It means being on your own side—even when you fall short.
I struggled with this after my divorce. My inner critic was LOUD. But when I learned to speak to myself like I would speak to a friend, everything softened.
Client story: a new leader I coach started journaling her thoughts after tough days at work. She learned to accept the full range of her emotions instead of pushing them down. It made her more resilient—and more human.
👉 Try this: next time you mess up, say out loud: “I’m allowed to make mistakes. I’m still worthy.” It’s uncomfortable at first—but incredibly freeing.
3️⃣ The practice of self-responsibility
This is about owning your choices and your future—not waiting for someone else to change your life.
When I left my tech exec role to launch my coaching business, it was scary. But I knew: no one else was coming to give me permission. I had to create the life I wanted.
Client story: a senior engineer I worked with spent years waiting for her manager to promote her. When she stopped waiting and started advocating for herself, she got the promotion—and more importantly, the confidence to lead.
👉 Try this: ask yourself, “What’s one thing I can take responsibility for this week?” Then do it—even if it’s uncomfortable.
4️⃣ The practice of self-assertiveness
This is the pillar I coach on a lot. It’s the ability to speak your truth, set boundaries, and take up space—without apology.
Years ago, I would say “yes” to everything. Speaking up felt terrifying. Now, I teach others to say, “That doesn’t work for me”—and mean it.
Client story: a woman I coach used to say yes to every new project, even when she was drowning. Through coaching, she practiced saying “no” with grace. Her stress dropped, her performance improved, and she gained more respect from her team.
👉 Try this: practice saying “no” to one thing this week—then notice how your nervous system responds. It gets easier every time.
5️⃣ The practice of living purposefully
Living purposefully means aligning your actions with your values. It’s not about having one big life mission—it’s about choosing how you want to show up every day.
My purpose is helping women lead with confidence. That clarity fuels my work, even when I’m tired or scared.
Client story: one of my clients, a tech director and mother of two, realized she’d been chasing promotions that didn’t actually align with her values. Through coaching, she clarified her goals, changed direction, and started a new role that lights her up.
👉 Try this: what’s one small action you can take this week that aligns with who you want to be?
6️⃣ The practice of personal integrity
This pillar ties it all together. It’s about keeping your word to yourself. Living in alignment with your values—even when no one’s watching.
When your actions match your values, your self-trust grows. And when self-trust grows, so does self-esteem.
Client story: a woman I coach used to set goals and never follow through. Together, we built small, repeatable habits. She began to believe herself again. And that changed everything.
👉 Try this: make one small promise to yourself today—and keep it. It could be as simple as drinking a glass of water, moving your body, or shutting your laptop at 6:00.
You deserve to feel worthy—without proving anything
Self-esteem isn’t about being perfect. It’s about how you treat yourself along the way.
And it’s not built through a single “aha” moment. It’s built through consistent, courageous practice.
If you’re ready to strengthen your confidence and self-worth with support, structure, and science-backed tools—I’d love to work with you.
📅 Book your free Clarity Call and let’s explore what’s holding you back—and how to build real, lasting self-trust.
You are more powerful than you realize. Let’s build the foundation that proves it.
Lots of love,
Anna
