As a recovering people-pleaser, the book I’m currently reading, The Courage to Be Disliked, is blowing my mind.
At its core, the message is simple and confronting:
💡 You don’t need to be liked by everyone to live a meaningful life.
For most of my life, I believed the opposite. I equated being liked with being safe, accepted, and “good.”
I learned to read the room, anticipate needs, smooth conflict, and keep the peace often at the cost of my own. If someone was unhappy, I assumed it was my job to fix it.
This book challenges that belief in a powerful way. When you live for approval, you give away your freedom. You shape your choices around avoiding discomfort rather than honoring what truly matters to you. And over time, that creates resentment, exhaustion, and a quiet loss of self 💔
As I read this book, I can’t help but think about so many of my clients. Brilliant, empathetic, high-achieving women who care deeply about others. They are thoughtful, generous, and emotionally intelligent. And yet, they often come to me feeling burned out, stuck, or disconnected from themselves.
Why?
Because they’ve spent years prioritizing everyone else’s comfort over their own needs.
🤯 One of the most powerful ideas in The Courage to Be Disliked is that other people’s reactions belong to them, not to you.
You are not responsible for managing how others feel about your choices. Your only responsibility is to live in alignment with your values and take ownership of your life.
That doesn’t mean becoming selfish or uncaring. It means learning the difference between compassion and self-abandonment.
When I feel torn between competing priorities or stuck in people-pleasing, I use a simple self-coaching tool that always brings me back to what matters most:
❓ What would the elder, wiser version of me say about my life and my priorities right now?
I ask this question to my clients often. It cuts through fear, guilt, and obligation. It helps you see beyond the moment and choose with clarity instead of approval-seeking.
Sometimes, the answer gently nudges you to let something go. Other times, it reminds you of what you already know deep down.
In my coaching work, this is often a turning point: when someone realizes that they are allowed to disappoint others in order to stay true to themselves. That boundaries are not betrayals. That choosing themselves is not a failure. It’s an act of courage.
Letting go of people-pleasing doesn’t make you less kind. It makes you more honest. More grounded. More free.
If you’ve spent your life trying to earn approval, this book may feel uncomfortable at first. But it might also be the permission slip you didn’t know you needed.
💬 If this resonates and you’re ready to stop living for approval, I’d love to support you.
👉 Book a free Clarity Call and let’s explore what choosing yourself could look like in your life.
You don’t need to be liked by everyone to live a life you love. You only need the courage to be yourself.
Lots of love,
-Anna
