Do you get easily triggered when things don’t go your way? When people don’t behave as you expect, do you experience anxiety? Have you ever been accused of micro-managing your team, or your family?
You may have a strong controller saboteur. The controller saboteur is an anxiety-based need to take charge. To control situations and the actions of others. When this isn’t possible, you feel anxious and impatient.
Saboteurs originate in childhood. The controller is associated with early life experiences where you were forced to grow up fast, be on your own, and take charge of chaotic or dangerous surroundings to survive physically and/or emotionally. Underneath the bravado of the controller, there is often a hidden fear of being controlled by others or life.
The controller saboteur drives you to micro-manage, obsess over details, and strive for perfection in every aspect of your life. This constant need to control causes you to be inflexible in handling life’s unpredictability. It also disempowers your team and your loved ones.
Does this sound like you?
I have a history of being a perfectionist and trying to control those around me. My bestie used to say, “You run a tight ship, Anna” when she talked about my approach to my homelife. It took all my energy to “keep things under control”, and I had a really hard time when things didn’t go according to plan.
It was extremely enlightening when I finally learned that I CAN ONLY CONTROL ME.
How would life be different if you just focused on what you can control and let go of the rest?
So how can you do that? Use the mindset hack, the “Let Them Theory”, created by Mel Robbins, the renowned author and motivational speaker. It starts with accepting that you cannot control everything or everyone in your life.
If your partner wants to go on a friends’ trip without you – let them. If your direct report takes ownership of a project – let them. If your in-laws don’t want to come to Thanksgiving dinner – let them.
Practice letting go of the need to fix, manage, or change everything to your liking. This shift in mindset promotes self-acceptance and resilience, ultimately reducing the anxiety associated with constantly trying to control the uncontrollable.
Simply letting go has helped me stop sweating the small stuff. I’ve learned to roll with unforeseen obstacles and last-minute changes in my plans.
What can you let go of?
❤️ Check out Mel Robbin’s amazing podcast to learn more science-based life hacks: https://www.melrobbins.com/podcast
How do YOU sabotage your success and happiness? Sign up for one of my free Confidence Booster sessions to find out: https://calendly.com/annagradiecoaching/45min
Lots of love,
-Anna
