What sets you off? What situations rub you the wrong way, or make you feel upset? When do you react without thinking in a way you regret later?
🔫 Triggers are external or internal stimuli that elicit a significant emotional response within you. Past experiences, beliefs, values, and insecurities can create triggers that condition you to respond in a particular way.
I talk about triggers during my confidence-building workshops. At my Vancouver Start Up Week session earlier this month, one of the participants shared that she gets triggered by emails from her supervisor.
What triggers you? One of my triggers is any real or perceived criticism. I have a history of reacting harshly when criticized. I spent most of my life chasing perfectionism and couldn’t tolerate anything about me that wasn’t perfect 😢
When you react without thinking, your emotions take control, leading to impulsive and potentially harmful actions. This can really damage your relationships with friends, colleagues or partners.
So how can you stop this from happening?
1️⃣ The first step is self-awareness. Start by paying attention to patterns in your emotional responses. Keep a journal to document situations that elicit strong reactions, noting the context, your thoughts, and your feelings. Over time, you’ll notice recurring themes, such as specific people, environments, or topics that consistently trigger you.
Once you’ve identified your triggers, use these science-based techniques to reduce your reactivity:
🧘🏽 Mindfulness techniques: regular mindfulness practice will reduce emotional reactivity by increasing your awareness of the present moment. This helps you observe your triggers without immediately reacting to them.
🤔 Cognitive reappraisal: reframing the way you think about a triggering situation. Instead of seeing a colleague’s critical feedback as a personal attack, view it as an opportunity for growth. This shift in perspective can significantly reduce emotional intensity.
🌬️ Deep breathing: when you feel triggered, your body’s fight-or-flight response is activated. Deep breathing exercises can help calm your nervous system and create a buffer between the trigger and your reaction.
2️⃣ The second step is developing your Emotional Intelligence (EQ). EQ is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. Increasing your EQ can profoundly impact how you deal with triggers. Here’s how:
🪞 Self-awareness: by understanding your emotions and what triggers them, you gain control over your reactions. Self-awareness allows you to pause and choose a more measured response.
💪🏼 Self-regulation: high EQ individuals are better at regulating their emotions. They can manage their impulses and stay composed under pressure, reducing the likelihood of reactive behavior.
😍 Empathy: understanding others’ emotions can help you navigate triggering situations more gracefully. Empathy allows you to see things from another perspective, which can defuse conflicts and enhance communication.
👯 Social skills: strong interpersonal skills, another component of EQ, enable you to build healthier relationships. When you can effectively communicate and resolve conflicts, you’re less likely to be triggered by interpersonal issues.
How can you grow your Emotional Intelligence? Sign up for an emotional intelligence assessment with me, or another EQi-2.0-certified coach to get your EQ score, and to understand your current level of emotional and social functioning. See where you rate on all 15 EQ competencies. And then implement actionable strategies to develop your lower EQ areas.
Your EQ can also be boosted by downloading the How We Feel app. This app tracks your emotions throughout the day. By logging your emotions, you can identify patterns and better understand what triggers different emotional states.
❤️ You are in control of how you react to the circumstances of your life. Between the trigger and the response, there is a space. In that space, you have a choice. Pause, take a breath, and choose a more thoughtful reaction to cultivate healthier relationships, reduce conflicts, and create a more fulfilling life.
I can help you be less triggered. I’m thrilled to share what I’ve been building behind the scenes: The Women in Tech Rising Collective – a community designed to help you grow into the confident, impactful leader you’re meant to be.
Inside, you’ll find group coaching, science-backed tools, and a powerful community of like-minded women who get what it’s like to be the only woman in the room. Whether you want to speak up more, set boundaries, lead with confidence, or simply feel less alone—you’ll find the support, structure, and accountability you need to rise.
Join the waitlist to be the first to know when doors open on May 1🔥
Lots of love,
-Anna
