💞 Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and for the first time in six years, I feel whole. When my fifteen-year marriage ended, I felt an emptiness that lingered in small moments—the dinner table set for three instead of four, the weight of solo parenting, the quiet nights once filled with conversation.
But now, I no longer feel like something is missing. Me and my kids are a family. We are enough 🥰
I’ve healed, grown, and learned so much about love—self-love, romantic love, and the love we cultivate in our everyday connections.
Six years after my marriage ended, I’ve come to understand that love isn’t just about the person you choose to share your life with. It’s about how you show up for yourself, your kids, your friendships, and your community. Love is about connection, and connection thrives when you invest in it intentionally.
How can you strengthen your love connection?
If you’re in a relationship, I encourage you to reflect on Gottman’s Four Horsemen—the key predictors of relationship breakdown—and consider whether they show up in your interactions:
- Criticism/blaming
- Stonewalling (shutting down instead of engaging)
- Contempt (eye-rolling, sarcasm, or feeling superior)
- Defensiveness
Instead of these, focus on repair attempts—small moments of reconnection like apologizing, expressing appreciation, or offering a kind gesture. Love isn’t about never having conflict. It’s about how you repair and move forward together.
Here are Gottman’s Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work that can help nurture lasting love:
🗺️ Enhance your love maps – know your partner deeply. What are their hopes, dreams, and struggles? (Take the Love Language Quiz, for example)
😍 Nurture your fondness and admiration – celebrate what you love about your partner every day.
🫂 Turn toward each other instead of away – acknowledge the small bids for connection, whether it’s sharing a funny meme or asking about their day.
👂🏽 Let your partner influence you – respect their opinions and allow them to shape your shared life.
🧩 Solve your solvable problems – address issues before they escalate.
🗣️ Overcome gridlock – persistent disagreements often stem from unmet dreams. Talk about them.
❤️ Create shared meaning – build a life that aligns with both your values and aspirations.
For my single friends
Valentine’s Day can bring up mixed emotions, but love isn’t just about romance—it’s about how you nurture your own joy and fulfillment.
💡 If I could tell my past self anything, it would be this: Love yourself first. Build a life that excites you. When you’re whole on your own, any relationship—romantic or otherwise—becomes a beautiful bonus, not a missing piece.
A final thought
💔 My divorce forced me to work on myself. But you don’t have to wait for a crisis to strengthen your relationships. Love—whether with a partner, your kids, or yourself—flourishes when you nurture it. So go out there and prioritize your own happiness, do what brings you joy, and invest in the connections that matter most.
Sending you love this Valentine’s Day 💘
Three ways to take action today:
Book a Clarity Call – Let’s talk about your goals and what’s getting in the way. Get clear on your next steps with a free 30-minute call.
Take the Confidence Monster Quiz – Uncover what’s holding you back and get personalized strategies to build confidence.
Subscribe to My YouTube Channel – Get weekly insights on confidence, leadership, and personal growth.
Lots of love,
-Anna
